We're all prone to a little self-loathing now and again, and sometimes that's a dark road that can only get worse. Thankfully, it's not too difficult to fight back if you can get yourself in the right mindset. Confidence is important, but sometimes it's easier to wallow in a pool of self-doubt so deep that being confident seems like a far off goal. Hating yourself is a different game where you're so obsessed with your failings that you refuse to accept the good. You're sitting in front of an audience applauding you, but it's not like you're saving the world. You've got the perfect job at the perfect company, but you're not managing the people you want to. You finished a 10K, but can't complete a marathon. It can go on and on. No matter how much you accomplish, you still hate yourself. Let's fix that.
Oftentimes, these moments of self-hatred are fleeting, spurned by a rough day at the office or a particularly nasty breakup. In those types of cases, you can approach it like you would any other mental hiccup: find a quick solution. Using an example culled from Anneli Rufus' book Unworthy, Psych Central suggests finding the place where you hate yourself less:
For starters, Rufus found a place where she hated herself less: by the seashore … a wild, rolling, splashing sea. "The sea expects nothing from me," she explains. "I cannot disappoint the sea. It does not care. It does not hate me, does not love me, does not wonder who I am or what I wear, because it does not care whether I am or am not there. The sea roars, either way."
Your place could be anywhere. It might be the local coffee shop, the hackerspace in your city, a particular park, or whatever. The point is to find that place where you can go where you're reminded that the world's a lot bigger than just you. If you're anything like me, it means getting as far away from your work or house as possible. I've taken to a weird spot on the beach along the bike path where few people tend to hang out. It's quiet, remote, and a great place to reset everything stupid in my head.
Identify Your Niche. Similarly, find your own niche in the world. Once you identify the traits that make you awesome, it's a lot easier to concentrate on them and feel better about yourself. Instead of feeling bad about what you can't do, you can think about all the things you can.
There's a mind trap that easy to fall into when you hate yourself, where your accomplishments don't feel like much. Chances are, that's at least partially because you're concentrating on the wrong things. I may not be a the greatest at small talk, but that doesn't mean I suck at conversation. It's easier to beat yourself up for what you can't do instead of figuring out what you're best at.
Finding your niche works on a lot of levels too. Your niche might be a character trait (you're kind, you're a good problem solver, whatever) or it might be a skillset. It doesn't really matter what it is, what's important is to find a focus on your strengths instead of your weaknesses. You have a lot of tools to really figure out what you're best at. The most obvious is to simply write out a list of your traits, but if you're not sure what your niche is, it's time to think more like an explorer. Try new things, find that one thing that you're better at than most people, and run with it. It's amazing what having "one good thing" can do your overall self-respect.
One of the problems with self-loathing often stems from an overabundance of humility. On its own, humility isn't a bad trait to have. Taken too far it becomes a hindrance that prevents you from acknowledging your accomplishments and accepting compliments.
The trick is to make some attempts to get to know yourself better. A self-loather doesn't see themselves as other people see them. In turn, it's easy to disregard someone's compliment because it doesn't feel genuine. But there is no right or wrong way to see yourself, no Archimedean point of reference around which others' perceptions must rotate. Another person's assessment of you is just as valid as yours—and possibly more so with respect to how you relate to other people, whether these relationships are familial, friendly, or romantic. In simple terms, people who think of themselves as nice may come off as obnoxious jerks to others, and people who think they have nothing to offer other people may be seen by others as very interesting. The point is that you don't know as much about yourself as you think...
This is one of those cognitive truths that's hard to correct for. If you're a self-loather, that feeling of inadequacy is around no matter what you do. The trick, according to Psychology Today, is to do your best to remember that your self-perception isn't complete, nor is it any more "right" than someone elses. You can learn a lot from how other people see you, but you'll need to accept what you learn and try to integrate that into your own views.
Part 1: Fill in the chart with:
Noun: Person, Place, Thing, or Idea
Verb: Shows Action
Adjective: Modifies a Noun
Article: Refers to a Noun (remember, only “THE”,” An”,” A” are articles)
Part of Speech
Noun, Verb, Article
What do I ‘think’ this word means?
Our state of mind. What we are thinking about
Part 2: Stretch Question-Celebrate Writing
- According to paragraph 1, what might self-loathing people be obsessed about?
- According to paragraph 2, what might cause these moments of ‘self-hatred’?
- According to paragraph 4, what should you identify? What does this mean?
- According to paragraph 6, what should you focus on?
- The transferable vocabulary word is solution. What does this word mean? Explain how the transferable vocabulary can be used in another subject? Use a SEMANTIC WORD MAP for this word.
Part 3: Work With a Partner (or do by yourself today).
- What do you think your niche might be? What accomplishments do you have in this area, even if they are super small in your mind, they are important!
- Has there ever been a time when you doubted your ability to do something like schoolwork or playing a sport? Just answer yes or no. After reading this article, do you think you were too hard on yourself? Why do you think you were?
- Working with your partner, what do you think is the main idea of this article? Cite a line from the text to support why you think this is the main idea.
EPAS Skill for next exam: Using an apostrophe. Write the sentence. Add an apostrophe to correct the underlined word.
- Marks abilities were awesome.
- Stevens mindset is full of self-loathing.
- Tonys phone does not have any apps.
- The mens version of the iPhone is in a leather case.
- Kevins phone is the iPhone Plus. Its screen is large.
Article from http://www.lifehacker.com.au/2015/02/how-to-stop-hating-yourself-and-start-down-the-path-to-self-respect/